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I'm a make, make, make you puke

There's a moment in the Family Guy Stewie Griffin special where normally straight-laced Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa disintegrates in the presence of David Bowie, falling to her knees, humping his leg and crying “Me love to meet Ziggy Stardust! Me take you home and make you fishball soup! Fishball!” Cut back to the newsroom, where one of the anchors, his eyes on stalks, says “Thank you, Tricia, for setting your people back a thousand years.”

That's much the same effect the new Black-Eyed Peas single has. Fergie lives up to every misogynist’s expectations of women as vain hardbody vampires, boasting how:
I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ice-ys.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and then Donna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’ fly
But I ain’t askin’,
They say they love my ass in
Seven Jeans, True Religions,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

Meanwhile the men are protesting that:
She’s got me spendin’.
Fergie concurs, adding:
Spendin’ all your money on me
And spending time on me.

For the chorus, in a rare confluence of penetrating insight and sublime poetry, we get this:
Black-eyed Pea: What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?

Black-eyed Pea-ette: I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.

Black-eyed Pea: What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?

Black-eyed Pea-ette: I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps.

The net effect, as she writhes around gleefully explaining how her “lady lumps” (did one of the guys write this chorus when he was eight?) encourage men to keep her in jewellery and pretty clothes, is indeed that she sets “her people” (i.e. women, rather than Caucasians being unconvincingly palmed off as Latinas) back a thousand years. Still, I'm sure I’ve read this all wrong and in fact it’s terribly empowering, right, sisters?

(Oh, and please, less of the “I’ma”. She’s the very definition of “whitebread”. She’s as convincing speaking Ebonics as I am.)


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:15 pm (UTC)
Most of the stuff that comes from the mainstream nowadays doesn't make a lot of sense.

I don't want my MTV anymore...
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:17 pm (UTC)
The Black Eyed Peas make me want to punch myself in the skull over and over and over again until all I am is a lifeless mulch attached to a shattered fist. Everything about them is so unutterably glum, cliched, joyless, corporate, slack and dreadful that the only things worse are the First World War and actually having cancer in your own genitals. I want them to be dead.
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:25 pm (UTC)
What the mole said.

And I speak as a lumpy lady.
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:50 pm (UTC)
A friend has been very taken with this, most notably for its lyrical 'charm'. and so I have been subject to numerous impromptu performances. I assume she's being ironic and post-modern, at least I hope that is the case.
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
Still, I'm sure I’ve read this all wrong and in fact it’s terribly empowering, right, sisters?

I have a printout of a terrific Onion story somewhere entitled "Women Now Empowered By Virtually Everything They Do". I'll dig it out for you.

BTW - Get Well Soon!
Nov. 11th, 2005 06:04 pm (UTC)
That was me BTW. I wasn't logged in because I am an idiot.
Nov. 11th, 2005 06:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you. And thank you!
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:55 pm (UTC)
she sets "her people" back a thousand years.

Your judgement is more crass than their lyrics.
Nov. 11th, 2005 07:00 pm (UTC)
It could conceivably be that I don't actually think she is representing any "people" per se, and certainly not that women fall into any single pigeonholeable category—but who's to say? Not me with my wonky judgment, that's for sure
Nov. 11th, 2005 05:59 pm (UTC)
Nov. 11th, 2005 06:38 pm (UTC)
There's a great rap song to the tune of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" which is equally "empowering". I can't find out what it's called though.
Nov. 11th, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
I never thought of it that way, but my music tastes are so downright bad that I once appreciated the last Eminem single for its parodying of the humourlessly lecherous.
And stop confusing your breasts and your arse, Fergie.
Nov. 11th, 2005 07:18 pm (UTC)
Because she has not an ounce of Latino blood in her
her record company have made her wear mucho fake-tan from the beginning to try and persuade people that she's Hispanic. TRUFAX.
Nov. 12th, 2005 01:20 pm (UTC)
Thing is, Stacy, where is the love?
Nov. 12th, 2005 02:30 pm (UTC)
In one way I feel relieved to read this, but then again not, as I heard this song first when I was in the bath but as I am currently taking some weirdy prescribed medicine I thought it was perhaps a strange side effect. So I am glad I am not imagining things, but I am not glad that this song actually exists.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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