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The Magic of the Internet #876,413,008

The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writers’ Association

You can go ahead and assume that this is unsafe for work.

EDIT: For those of you prevented by work or other reasons from visiting this eye-opening site, I present the following heavily censored extract:
Decades had passed since [Hammond’s] darling wife, Wanda, was taken from him by way of a bout of malaria, brought on by a mosquito bite. He wanted her back—but after years of botched cloning experiments, he knew it would never work. […]


The lightning flashed across the sky, lighting up the room, almost blinding Hammond. As his eyes adjusted, he saw it there in front of him—a majestic, mastadonic brachiosaurus head, inches away from the glass. […] Hammond’s heart was racing, he hadn't felt this alive in years. He could feel the blood pumping to organs not used in almost 2 decades. His throbbing [CUT CUT CUT]

The gigantic beast gazed at the bulge in Hammond’s PJs and licked her lips. “Look,” whispered Hammond, “How do you like that—a living biological attraction so astounding that it'll capture the imagination of the entire planet!” He laughed maniacally as the thunder crackled outside. He walked seductively to the sliding door and unlocked it, then took a few steps back. He looked into the monster’s eye and winked. “Come and get it, big girl.” [CUT CUT CUT]

He gazed into her eyes lovingly for what seemed like an age, stroking her long snout. He whispered gently “Thank you”. The beast looked back approvingly. Suddenly, John become more animated—he had noticed something.


A single tear dropped from the dino’s left eye.

“Wanda! My love! It IS you!”

The cloning experiments HAD worked. She was back. It didn’t matter to John that she was now 150ft tall and 90% dinosaur DNA—he was no longer alone. Wanda gazed at him with that look he remembered all so well from many years ago. [CUT CUT CUT] He paused for a moment and looked upon his enormous cloned dino-wife and as the wind and rain battered his craggy, haggard face, he took a deep breath in, licked his lips and stepped into the night whispering, “Welcome... to Jurassic Park”.

Matt Skinner, Hammond-fisted


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 9th, 2009 11:11 am (UTC)
I'm tired of being ban myself to be feminie.
I just don't want to repress my femine side.

Victoria Secret and lovely aprons are correct in "Womens Studies"
Mar. 9th, 2009 12:27 pm (UTC)
Imagine this being read out by a sexy Japanese dinosaur and you've pretty much got that Jurassic site nailed down.
Mar. 9th, 2009 11:18 am (UTC)
I only managed to read "Dennis Nedry’s sausage fingers frantically..." before I shot my load closed the tab.
Mar. 9th, 2009 11:18 am (UTC)
Mar. 9th, 2009 11:25 am (UTC)
I so badly want to read this, but must wait (and will then inevitably forget). It is probably for the best.
Mar. 9th, 2009 11:41 am (UTC)
Haa, marvellous.

Is it time for this again?

Mar. 10th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC)
Today I offered to take a friend out for lunch and he ignored my text for three hours. But I can't be offended because I've used up all my offendedness on dinosaur porn written by someone who doesn't know when to use "its" and when to use "it's".
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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