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Paul Marsden

I'm distraught to see that Marsden has taken his Vogon poetry offline. For anyone who doesn't know about the back-story of the LibDem (once Labour) MP, a quick shufti here should provide all you need, but the site containing his work no longer exists. This means we can no longer innocently enjoy his eye-gougingly bad erotica or his fiery anti-war polemics—except this paean to David Kelly:

To Dr David Kelly, a victim caught up in the pitiful brawl between a desperate Prime Minister and a self righteous broadcaster. Rest in Peace, history will not forgive your tormentors - July 2003

Gentle scientist inventing silent killers,
Through years of laboratory tinkering.
Protected source on wicked bugs,
Happy hours tending pink rose petals.

Buffoon holds aloft this little mole,
Blinking in the row of bright lights.
He barely sees the quarrelling brutes,
Nervously wiping his white whiskers.

Forced to walk the plank in parliament,
Distraught at demands for answers.
Political drama to cheap, sweaty hacks,
Torrent of black invective in the high court.

Tortured game ends when the despair overwhelms,
An English gentleman bowing to torrid spectacle.
Family lose him to sound bite and paranoid PM,
As he takes a walk in the park by a river of red.
Whatever the circumstances of Kelly's death, surely he didn't deserve the additional indignity of being compared to "a little mole".

EDIT: Via the miracle of some kind of crazy SCIENCE, nudejournal has managed to locate the Paul Marsden archive, preserved in Internet aspic for future generations. Now let's wait and see whether future generations thank us.

Like almost all MPs, Paul Marsden likes making the occasional amusing remark while debating. And, like almost all MPs, the man can’t deliver one to save his sodding life. Let’s watch one in slow motion.
PAUL MARSDEN: [pauses to prepare self for the hilarity ahead]

I remember that Jeremy Clarkson once said that the best way to make drivers slow down was simply not to put in more airbags, but to take them out and to put a large spike in the steering wheel, because then drivers would feel

[gets loud and excited here, anticipating success of impending joke]

that they had to slow down, because...

[slows down as he realises he hasn’t planned how to finish, ends up overshooting the runway anyway]

they would realise... the consequences... of what would happen if...

[oh God oh God make it stop]

their head hit the steering wheel.

[excitement over, back to the daily grind]

Maybe he would actually have a valid point.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 17th, 2005 02:06 pm (UTC)
I remember Marsden once brutally torturing and slowly strangling a quotation from JFK once in a Commons debate. Shrewsbury is definitely one seat where everyone should be praying for a Labour victory.
Jan. 17th, 2005 05:30 pm (UTC)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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