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From the vaults

June 2003

Yesterday I met the worst pimp in the world.

I turned the corner into Rupert Street and he lurched into my path. I began to sidestep him as he started his spiel. “Mate, mate.” I shook my head as he carried on. “Just stop a minute.” Then he grabbed my arm. I looked at his hand. “Can you let go?” I said. “I’m just talking to you,” he said. “No you're not. You’re holding my arm,” I replied.

Undeterred, he showed me the wares he was offering. “Look at that!” he yelled, jabbing his finger towards a nearby standard-issue, seen-too-much, gets-older-with-every-glance ghetto courtesan. “Are you telling me you don’t want...” “No,” I assured him. “What? Why? Are you scared? Are you a poofter?” He tightened his grip. “Are you a batty boy?”

“Just let it go,” I suggested. “You have not made a sale.”

“No, I’m arksing you,” he continued loudly as people started to turn and stare. “Are you a shit-stabber? Do you fuck arse?” I debated some options (e.g. Noel Coward voice: “Ah, dear boy...”) but swiftly decided by far the safest was just to look him in the eyes and say “No”.

He flung away my arm in disgust, muttered “You must be”, and stormed off.

Comments

( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
chiller
Sep. 19th, 2006 12:32 pm (UTC)
This is an entirely new type of TRAMP LOVE.
ex_cornfedpi814
Sep. 19th, 2006 12:54 pm (UTC)
It was this guy that told the tramps about you, hence the kisses.
chiller
Sep. 19th, 2006 12:57 pm (UTC)
It all makes sense. That's why they didn't charge for the first few tramp-kisses. To get him hooked.
webofevil
Sep. 20th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC)
And now I am.
(no subject) - chiller - Sep. 21st, 2006 06:45 am (UTC) - Expand
ex_cornfedpi814
Sep. 19th, 2006 12:55 pm (UTC)
Not you, him.
webofevil
Sep. 19th, 2006 01:01 pm (UTC)
> Not you, him.

Not who the what now?
ex_cornfedpi814
Sep. 19th, 2006 01:10 pm (UTC)
Ok, see that guy over there? Not that guy, the one next to him in the shirt.
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 19th, 2006 01:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 19th, 2006 02:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 19th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 19th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 20th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 20th, 2006 06:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 20th, 2006 09:01 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 20th, 2006 09:29 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 20th, 2006 12:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 20th, 2006 01:17 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 20th, 2006 10:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 20th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 21st, 2006 10:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 21st, 2006 12:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 21st, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 21st, 2006 04:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 22nd, 2006 10:56 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 25th, 2006 10:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 25th, 2006 01:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 25th, 2006 02:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 25th, 2006 05:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 26th, 2006 07:12 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - webofevil - Sep. 27th, 2006 01:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ex_cornfedpi814 - Sep. 27th, 2006 07:09 am (UTC) - Expand
verlaine
Sep. 19th, 2006 01:56 pm (UTC)
You perfumed ponce.
webofevil
Sep. 19th, 2006 01:58 pm (UTC)
Well, quite.
ex_humanfema327
Sep. 20th, 2006 07:34 am (UTC)
Do strangers ever not ask you if you're gay?
webofevil
Sep. 20th, 2006 09:28 am (UTC)
The other guy at the bus stop wasn't trying to chat me up, you know. He was entirely uninterested in that respect, he just wanted directions to the Vauxhall fleshpits.

My brother did a journalism course in Falmouth. His team were putting together a report on how difficult it is to be openly gay in Falmouth (very), and had such trouble finding anyone willing to talk about this that they were reduced to standing on street corners asking complete strangers if they were homosexual. My brother was nominated for this job because he's a big lad; big enough that he didn't get into any fights, which is quite an achievement for an arts student in Cornwall anyway without going around asking local men if they're gay.
psychonomy
Sep. 20th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
Apparently there's been a statistically signficant outbreak of HIV cases in St Ives this year. The local PCT's considered response was to set up a booth in the high street with, in effect, a large "GOT AIDS?" banner over it. I'm sure they were flattened in the rush.

One story goes that the outbreak is largely the work of an HIV+ - and inevitably foreign - gentlemen maiing his way through the local population of available slappers. When asking locals about this, a Sunday Times journalist got the almost universal response that they didn't know anything about an HIV+ foreigner, but that it was almost certainly "'im o'er thurr", on the basis that "'ee be'm baaaastard".

webofevil
Sep. 20th, 2006 01:16 pm (UTC)
This foreign gentleman wasn't, by any chance, going around claiming not to be gay but wanting to find a club where he could find "man to fuck", was he? Because if he was I've met him.
ex_humanfema327
Sep. 22nd, 2006 12:37 pm (UTC)
Why do people keep going to falmouth? Is it somewhere i should have heard of ? Is it like london?
webofevil
Sep. 22nd, 2006 02:24 pm (UTC)
> Is it like london?

Yes, if "like London" is code for "really not at all like London". Falmouth's nod towards cosmopolitanism, according to my brother, is that, unlike most of the rest of Cornwall, it is full of "arts students who make their own clothes" and who "keep getting beaten up by the locals", especially by local nationalists and BNP members.


> Why do people keep going to falmouth?

Do they? Really? Who? How quickly do they leave?
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )

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