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Aug. 21st, 2006

Down in an underpass under Park Lane on Friday there's a busker playing a tin whistle. About ten metres further along lies an old, drunk, toothless tramp—trouble not, delicate reader, this one had no romantic designs on me, that's not where this is going—shouting at him: “Shut up with your fucking playing. That’s all I fucking hear. Why’ve you got to come down here and play when I’m trying to fucking sleep?”

The busker stops playing. “You can sleep anywhere in London,” he says plaintively.

“That’s right,” the tramp replies blurrily, “and I choose to sleep here. You can fucking play anywhere in London.”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” says the busker, and resumes playing.

“You carry on playing, I’ll fucking get up in a minute and come over there,” slurs the tramp. The busker stops, says “Yeah? Come on then”, and tootles his whistle at him.

“I’ll fucking come over there,” says the tramp. The busker emits a provocative flourish.

“Don’t make me fucking get up,” rails the tramp. The busker chirrups at him merrily.

Repeat to fade as I leave. If I’d had change it would have been worth seeing the effect of giving it to the busker; I think the tramp would have detonated out of sheer rage.

Talking of folk poetry in underpasses, my mother reports these two pieces of graffiti next to each other in the underpass on her route to work, both followed by a different phone number: “I do back door” and, enticingly, “I stab poo”. Same product, yet quite different campaigns. I'd love to know which number gets more calls.


( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 21st, 2006 10:27 am (UTC)
Re the Saatchi and Saatchi style ad campaign assaulting your mother, it may be that they are offering a similar product, yet proffering services at either end of the deal, so to speak.
Aug. 21st, 2006 10:37 am (UTC)
I suppose that's a possibility. In which case, let's hope one eventually thought to ring the other. If you'll pardon the, er, ah.
Aug. 21st, 2006 10:57 am (UTC)
It's nice to see someone servicing both the top end of the market and the bottom end. If you'll forgi - um. Yeah.
Aug. 21st, 2006 11:22 am (UTC)
Perhaps it's the same person, with two different mobile phones - an in tray and an out tray, as it were.

And yes, the phones probably have different rings, if you'll pardon the, er etc.
Aug. 21st, 2006 11:27 am (UTC)
I'm inclined not to pardon it on this occasion, as it's the same joke I just made, only slightly worse. For that, sir, I challenge you to an internet duel. Name your weapon.
Aug. 21st, 2006 11:43 am (UTC)
I choose this.
Aug. 21st, 2006 11:47 am (UTC)
While I, sir, shall defend my honour with this:

Aug. 21st, 2006 12:05 pm (UTC)
Have at ye.
Aug. 21st, 2006 12:17 pm (UTC)
Ha! Missed.

Aug. 21st, 2006 12:23 pm (UTC)
Is that a British made super gun that you are using, sirrah!
Aug. 21st, 2006 01:01 pm (UTC)
Gad, sir, of course, sir! What d'ye take me for? Foreign superguns be damn'd, sir; if the Israelis thought Gerald Bull's designs were good enough to warrant his murder, I'll take m'chances with them meself. Fire again!
Aug. 21st, 2006 01:36 pm (UTC)
Hmm, we should have had this duel at slightly more than 10 paces, what?
Aug. 21st, 2006 01:58 pm (UTC)
Aug. 21st, 2006 02:12 pm (UTC)
Well, my trebuchet is unable to throw things less than 25 metres. Your supergun is at least 30 metres long. We are about 15 metres apart, so a veritable hit is unlikely any time soon.

Shall we call it an honourable draw, or do we resort to a knife fight?
Aug. 21st, 2006 02:16 pm (UTC)
What's that? I can't hear you, sir, my damn'd ears are still ringing from the blasts. We should have had this duel at slightly more than 10 paces, what?
Aug. 21st, 2006 02:27 pm (UTC)
That's the same joke I just made, only slightly different. I challenge you to an internet duel etc.
Aug. 21st, 2006 02:32 pm (UTC)
Thank you, we're here all week.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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